My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Randomize
