Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
