Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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