I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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