She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
