You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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