Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
sarcasm needs its own font
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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