textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
