.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I AM VODKA MAN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
