just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
