worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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