I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
