when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
should my penis look like a turkey
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
