I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
