I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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