did you get engaged???
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
