One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
