the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
