dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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