Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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