After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
