3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
