Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
