I want to walk on stilts...naked
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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