this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
