She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
