i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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