Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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