I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
