she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
