i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Say something about gay babies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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