i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
