The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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