"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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