the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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