Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
