Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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