How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You made out with two different species that night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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