Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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