I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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