apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
