he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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