I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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