Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
