I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
