your parents love me but you hate me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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