she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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