There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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