I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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