You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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