So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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