even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
