Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sext me about skeletons
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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